FREEDOM

 

這是我朋友的故事！

高中的時候聽這首歌，是希望有人帶我去一個連我自己都不知道的地方，不知道為什麼的總是很想逃離一切。有時人們會故意忽略某些傷口，企圖裝做一切都沒有發生過的樣子，可是如果你不夠堅強繼續佯裝下去時，身心俱疲接近爆發無法掌控的時候，就會徹徹底底崩潰，而真正的崩潰也不是大吼大叫，而是找一種傷害自己的方式然後大力實行它，我知道我常常會做這種事，因為我EQ跟IQ剛好都不高，而適度的痛苦可以讓我忘記身邊的不快，其實很蠢，我也知道，不過又有誰可以真的平和的處理傷痛？

然後我失敗了，我希望的那個人並沒有帶我去任何地方，而且還丟下我。我永遠記得那天晚上我坐在馬路上痛哭看著他機車離去的背影，之後周圍只剩下一片死寂搭配我的尖叫，我知道我被留了下來，沒有任何原因！但不管是甚麼原因都好，接下來我只想毀滅被拋下的自己，回家後，我拿著水果刀抵著自己的手腕，不過我沒有勇氣劃下去，我不懂為什麼沒有，明明我付出一切真心愛他，被拋棄的痛哪比的上這種皮肉傷？然後我開始抽菸，不為了什麼，只因為我記得他身上總有這個味道。

不過事實也很醜陋，因為不久之後我身邊就有一個個新的伴侶，我自以為也為他們付出真心，但總是不久後我就失去了新鮮感，此時便毫不戀棧的甩了他們然後繼續下一段戀情，有關承諾、愛情、肉體這些都變得很膚淺，也很廉價，是隨時都可以替換的東西。

Take Me Away  Avril Lavigne

I cannot find a way to describe it.
It's there inside. All I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do?
You do If you knew
What would you do?

All the pain
I thought I knew all these thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said back and forth
Inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable come and take me away

I feel like I am alone
All by myself
I need to get around this my words are cold
I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you
I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands

All the pain
I thought I knew all these thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said back and forth
Inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable come and take me away

I'm going nowhere on and on and...
I'm getting nowhere on and on and...
Take me away
I'm going nowhere on and on and...
Up and on and up and on　

I don＇t get much from hero
I don＇t give them much thought
I crumble on the crashing
Nay you still around

I don＇t like my reflection
I don＇t like what i see
I＇m scared of my shadow
You cast this doubt on me

But am I still the one?
Am I still the one?
Am I still the one?

I was still there in the shadow
just to understand your pain
but when I need it
till them rush to left in the other way
I wanted to have comfort
the moment when we have begun
I love you though you love to listen I＇m still the one

You call me through the windows
You call them through the floor
You sent these flyers to find me
Now they＇re kicking down my door

Am I still the one?
Am I still the one?
Am I still the one?

I was still there in the shadow
just to understand your pain
but when I need it
till them rush to left in the other way
there＇s something I＇ve got emptiness all be settled down
I know you wanna me to be with
I＇m still the one

So now would you leave angel?
you got me all the wrong

tell me that you＇ll never leave me again,
now you＇re sorry